Like shark-cage diving, first dates are exciting and scary and can potentially end with someone being eaten (but in dating that’s a good thing!)
Every book on relationships seems to spit out a list of ‘dating rules’ that demand to be followed. Not to be outdone, here are mine!
You will make all the decisions regarding the date. Where you go, what you do and where it ends is your responsibility. You are not to rely on the lady to suggest where to go. Taking charge is a very masculine thing to do, and she’ll appreciate it from you. After all, it is you who is taking her out.
If a woman gets comfortable with the man making all the decisions, then it will feel quite natural for her to follow you back to your place at the appropriate moment.
Before you meet the lady, know beforehand where you’re going to take her and everything you will do on the date. Create a plan and follow it as much as possible.
The most important thing to factor into your date plan is knowing how you want the date to end. With a kiss? With her coming to your house?
With the both of you getting arrested for lewd behavior? However you want the date to end, you must construct the date based on this end goal. For example:
END GOAL – sex at your house
Meet at location 1 – the café bookstore you
Move to Location 2 – a funky karaoke bar near your apartment
Move to Location 3 – your apartment
END GOAL – kiss at the door
Meet at Location 1 – ice skating
Move to Location 2 – an interesting underground bar you want to check out
Move to Location 3 – her home as you try to kiss her at her door
Once you have your end goal worked out, flesh out a plan in more detail if applicable. Remember, everything should lead to your desired outcome.
Here are two first date examples:
I pick her up
We go to a scenic lookout
We walk across the bridge admiring the view
We share pancakes on the other side of the bridge
We walk back over the bridge to where the car is
We sit in the park and admire the sunset
I kiss her
I bring her home
I hope to get invited in
Meet at my house
Drive her to cupcake store
Bring cupcakes to the park by the water
Sit in the park under a tree
Go for a walk along the water
Stop for a while at the cliff
We make out
We walk back to the car
I invite her up to my house
Formal locations create a lot of pressure. Stick instead to something casual and relaxed that doesn’t require a huge investment.
Don’t go somewhere where you can’t talk. Organize the date to be something that enables you to have lots of discussion and opportunities to build rapport.
Do not go to a movie, play, musical, etc- conversation should be possible at all times. Otherwise all you’ll really get to know about her is how she likes her popcorn.
There is a tiny caveat to this rule. If both of you are MASSIVELY passionate about a particular band, or a particular director (if you find a woman who is passionate about Quentin Tarantino, freaking marry her already!), then it’s okay to go somewhere where you can’t talk, because you are then bonding over a shared passion.
The best dates are those where you ‘do something’. This way the date becomes a shared experience; and people bond far better through shared experiences.
The reason for this is that novelty causes the brain to release the pleasure hormone Dopamine. Dopamine is a key ingredient in sexual attraction, so picking a novel activity date will boost her Dopamine levels and increase her attraction for you by hijacking off the back of a novel experience and the effect it has on her brain.
This can be ice-skating, surf lessons, salsa dancing, or throwing bottles at riot police and running away really, really fast (maybe not the last one).
Changing locations helps you a lot if you’re struggling to maintain good conversation, especially if you’re both nervous. Every new location you bounce to refreshes the whole dynamic of the date and gives you a fresh start. It also keeps you active and creates more mystery to your date. Always know where your next location is and lead her there by saying something like ‘Let’s go here’. Each change in location should be taking you closer to your end goal.
Try to be original on your dates. Some ideas are champagne breakfast at the art gallery, exploring street art, rollerblading, and fly-fishing. The possibilities are endless if you are willing to make the effort to be creative. As another unique example, Sir Sherbert once took a girl to a park, handed her a stick, and they spent the whole time ‘sword fighting.’
Familiarity will relax you. Bring her into your world and show her what you like doing. This shows passion and allows her to get to know who you are. This is especially great if you know the people at the location you’re taking your date to.
The first time you might go alone, or with a friend. Talk to the attendant a bit, get her name, find out what else she does outside of being an attendant. You are being friendly, not hitting on her. Write down all the information you know about her. Give her a small tip (if appropriate) at the end and say goodbye.
Then you go back a second time, and greet the same attendant by her name. Ask her how things are going for her. Be specific, and remember what notes you made in your phone. She won’t remember your name, and this will work in your favor when you ask her “You’ve forgotten my name haven’t you?” The attendant will feel bad since you remembered so much about her. Tell her your name and let her know you want her to remember it the next time you come in. I usually say something like “Okay so you forgot my name, I’ll forgive you, I’ll tell you what though when I come in next time and say ‘Hey Sarah!! How are you?’ what are you going to say?” And she will say “Next time you come in, I’ll reply with ‘I’m great Damien, how are you?’”
This fun little interaction prepares me for every visit I ever make to that place. So when I bring my date there, we will walk into the place and she’ll see me greet the attendant by name, and see her greet me back by name. How great does that look to your dates?!
Humans are wired to remember events dependent upon our last emotional memory of the event.
This was first measured in proctology exams. They had patients measure their level of pain every five minutes on a scale of 1-10 throughout the procedure. Then they asked the patient a week later how the procedure was on a scale of 1-10. Regardless of how much pain was experienced half way through the procedure, patients consistently rated their experience based on the last five to ten minutes of pain and how bad it was.
The same applies to going on dates. No matter how great a date is half way through, if it ends on a low note, then it will be clearly remembered as a forgettable date.
So make sure your date ends on a high note. This way the lady remembers it as a positive experience, and will make setting up the second date (should you want one) so much easier.
A great date ends with getting to know the following about her:
What is she really passionate about?
What does she want out of life ultimately?
What/who inspires her?
What is she scared of?
A great date could also end with a kiss (emotionally charged and exciting).
Once you have your date plan worked out, I recommend following it for every first date you go on.
Going on the same first date every single time has distinct advantages. By changing different variables individually to see what works, you can create the perfect first date process for you. Once you fully understand this process, you can begin to create perfect dates in any environment.
Dating is about spending time with a girl and seeing how much you like each other. It’s NOT about impressing her. As soon as you get the idea of impressing her out of your head, numerous possibilities emerge. Most times, running errands and having a hot chocolate or coffee together is better than an expensive dinner and movie date.
Expensive dates will quickly make you poor as you become better at attracting women. Besides, there’s absolutely no need to spend money to have awesome fun dates that will get you to your end goal.
Some men feel as though they are ‘too poor’ to date. This is not right.
Unfortunately for us nowadays, there are women that date for the free meal and I for one don’t want you to waste any time or money on them.
With your hobbies and interests in mind, ask yourself the following questions:
How can I use my hobbies and interests to bring her into my world and have a fun time with her?
How can I do this for free or very cheaply?
Dating can be inexpensive if you are creative and put a bit of thought into it. Allow the answers to come to you. When trying out something new and interesting such as gymnastics, a simple phone call asking a gymnastics class whether you and your date can try this out for free generally works great. Companies are generally happy to allow you to try one class for free as it doesn’t cost them anything to have you there and they can convert you into a paying customer.
Here some examples of how I use my interests to create fun, successful and inexpensive dates.
INTEREST, MUSIC: Go shopping
for old vinyl records together.
INTEREST, FOOD: Cook her dinner or suggest she cook you dinner.
INTEREST, COMEDY: Amateur night at a local comedy club. This is usually okay as you tend to get lots of breaks in between to talk and get to know one another.
INTEREST, SPORTS: Teach her how to play your favorite sport at the local playground.
INTEREST, DANCING: Go to a salsa club. Turn up a little early and learn some salsa moves. Then have fun dancing together.
INTEREST, MOVIES: Go movie
shopping at your local movie store and point out favorite
movies to each other. Pick one you love together and go
back to your place to ‘see a movie’.
INTEREST, THE OUTDOORS: Go for a picnic in a park. Just bring a rug with you, then buy 2 baguettes and two different tubs of dip and a bottle of soft drink. You should have this covered for $10, and you can sit in a park eating baguettes and dip, lying on a comfortable rug and chatting.
INTEREST, BLOWING THINGS UP: Print out a copy of the Anarchist’s Cookbook and mix up some Molotov cocktails together. Remember to wear a facemask to protect from the fumes. Not recommended if she’s a smoker.
Still dipping into the coffers too much? Here are some ways to hold onto your coin.
AVOID UNNECESSARY EXPENSES. Avoid paying for lunch by meeting girls just after lunch and avoid paying for dinner by meeting the lady just after dinner. If you do have to eat together, choose cheap options and split the bill, especially if it’s early in the dating process. Also watch out for excessive transportation costs. If you can’t get to a date location cheaply – pick elsewhere. Avoid any large petrol and/or parking costs as well if you drive.
USE PRIMING DATES FOR GIRLS YOU’RE UNSURE OF. If you’re not sure how much you like a girl, have a coffee date with her first to see how much you like her before you invest a significant amount of time and money on a larger and more expensive date with her. These dates can be really cheap or even free depending on how creative you are.
DO NOT ALLOW HER TO MAKE YOU PAY. Most women these days are very happy to go Dutch and split the bill with you. Some women even insist on splitting the bill so that it doesn’t create any expectations or undue pressure. I’m happy to go Dutch and don’t feel that a man should have to pay since the feminist movement provided equal opportunities. Everyone works, everyone can pay for their own expenses.
A great solution to this is to look at the bill first and say ‘here let me see what my half was… okay I had the coffee and the bagel, so that’s $6.50 for me. Here you can check yours if you like.”
There is an entirely separate category of dates known as ‘Instant Dates’. These happen mostly during Daylight Crusading. Instead of asking for a girl’s phone number, it is sometimes possible to get a girl to actually go on a date with you right there and then. To do this, you simply ask ‘Hey, would you like to grab a coffee/ice cream/donut?’ in much the same way you’d ask for a girl’s phone number.
Due to their spontaneous nature, instant dates are difficult to preplan, but that’s not to say you can’t expect magic from them.
Sir Freddofrog did amazingly every time he went Crusading After Dark. He was getting one night stands easily and even managed a couple of threesomes. He thought he should master the day. The conventional rule is to be careful of being too sexual too quickly during the day as it can freak women out. I sent him in to talk to a gorgeous brunette. Then I looked around and he disappeared. I didn’t see him for two hours. When he got back he said he took her for coffee then straight to his office nearby so that he could have sex with her on his desk. It was the weekend so no one would be around.
Goes to show all rules can be broken with some confidence and instant dates like these do happen.
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